If only I knew, I’d never see you again after the early morning in June,
I would not let you close that door behind you.
I would have driven that long road and see you off to work the way you always want me to.
If only I knew, you would vanish like a genie in the cartoon show,
I would have held you near me, and never let you go.
If only I knew, that it’d be the last time you’ll whisper those words,
I would have spent the whole day saying, “I LOVE YOU” every second until you say, “TOO MUCH”.
If only I knew, it would be the last dinner we’d have,
I would have allowed us to pig out until our belly pops.
If only I knew, it would be the last time I’ll see you,
I would have stared at you for hours until I go blind.
If only I knew, that your forever ends on a Wednesday,
I would have ordered hundreds and thousands of special calendars with that day removed.
If only I knew, that it would be the last time you’d whine about me, not hugging you all the time,
I would have dropped everything and throw myself at you.
But you left me with no clue.
I just realized it was over.
What happened to the promise of growing old together,
with the vows of loving each other through tears, bruises, and shrieks of joy?
Does for-keeps lost its meaning along the way?
Or was it just my make believe that you will stay with me no matter what, beyond mood swings, beyond tantrums?
I would have wished you left me then.
When I got your nose broken, or maybe during our little tug-o’-war at the mall.
I would have understood why you’re gone now, if you bid goodbye that time.
But you never did.
Why now?
You left me hanging with so many questions running through my mind.
Why now when everything was rolling smoothly downhill?
Or was it going down the drain, which I failed to recognize?
If all else would stand still, just because you’re not here with me, for once then so be it.
That would be the moment when all the pain would stop.
Till then, I would never wish for another Wednesday to come.
If only I knew.